I have a love/hate relationship with smallness. And by ‘smallness’ I’m not talking the mini-Snickers-bar variety. I’m talking recognizing my little space in the grand scheme of things. The introverted side of me craves smallness. The quiet. Peace. Not being the center of attention.
There’s another side of me, a side that wants to be noticed. To feel appreciated. To feel significant to THAT person. The side of me that craves those words of affirmation.
How do I walk the tension in staying small, especially in keeping my writing small? How do I approach writing, not as another task to check off my list (which is exactly what I’ve been doing lately), but as the life-giving, creative-soul-exercise that it is?
Maybe it’s by continuing to do what I’m doing now – writing just for the sake of writing (and these words were originally just morning pages). No blog post (except here I am, turning it into one). No Christmas/thank you cards. No audience, really. Just me, God, the pen and the paper. Oh, and Christmas music dancing along in the background. Because writing for me usually needs a soundtrack.
And another question: how do I fight that comparison-bug that insists that my writing look like so-and-so’s, or that my writing routine look a certain way, or that I publish and promote my blog on social media in all the right ways?
“I will write to connect, not compete.” ~Emily P. Freeman
Maybe it’s by remembering that my writing is not in competition with anyone else’s. It exists, small enough, in it’s own right, on my page, my blog, or wherever the words pour forth. But the goal is connection, not competition. One day, it may be the connection between my head and my heart – writing down all the thoughts floating around into some coherent string of words. Another day, it may be the connection between my heart and God’s heart – processing the way I see Him at work in and around me. And yet another day, it may be the connection between me and you – sharing a bit of hope, encouragement, or a simple “I’ve been there…me too!”
Because writing only feels truest to me when it’s a method of connection…no matter how small that connection is.
It’s still important.