My soul has felt very restless lately. Very strive-y (is that a word? I think I just made it up). Thoughts flit here and there and chase each other around inside my already overcrowded brain.
It’s been hard for me to just sit STILL on the couch in the morning when I first wake up and settle in for my Jesus + coffee time. You would think immediately after waking up, one would move very slowly. And I do – physically (and mostly mentally). But inside, in the very depths of my soul? Zero to 60 in five seconds, baby. My soul knows that I have millions of things to do today, even if my brain hasn’t started fully processing them yet. And my soul also knows that I don’t have time to be still because daylight’s a-wastin’ honey and I’ve got to be in plan + execute mode in just a few minutes.
And so, my restless soul makes itself tangible as I flick my hair behind my ear…then do it again five seconds later. As I re-situate myself on the couch for the twelfth time in 15 minutes. When my soul isn’t still, my body usually isn’t either.
And so, for the past couple of days, I’ve had to set a timer for myself. Five minutes. Just sitting still. Just breathing. No planning (and believe you me, that is H-A-R-D). Those five minutes stretch into eternity. I could take a little snooze-nap (and I’ve come close), check my email, check the weather, or start my devotional in the five minutes – or ALL of the above…and at least I’d feel productive. Sheesh.
And there it is. My need to produce in order to justify my time or my worth. To have something to show for my time spent in the quiet.
But Jesus, He doesn’t ask us to produce, at least not in the way we normally think of producing (accomplish the most amount of things in the least amount of time #heartburn). Jesus asks us to be still. To simply BE His.
In that stillness, that not-producing, I’m forced to remind myself that being His daughter is enough. Or rather, I finally quiet down enough to hear the Holy Spirit whisper that in my ear. Listening to His heart is enough. Being still is enough…because it allows Him to produce His character in me. Love. Joy. Peace.
Now, by no means does this mean that I float through the rest of my day on a cloud of peace, playing my harp and dispensing love-and-joy confetti on everyone around me (and that picture just made me laugh out loud #annoying). But it does serve as a center for my day, if I let it. It’s something I can come back to, each morning, commanding my soul to pipe down and be still, because Jesus is enough.
And He says I am His.
And that means I am enough.
No striving or producing needed.