Earlier this spring, after more than two years of trying to start our family, we sat in the doctor’s office and listened as he told us that having biological children was very unlikely for us. That our best option for adding to our family was either very expensive (and not a sure bet) fertility treatments…or starting the paperwork for adoption.
As we began the immediate processing through a situation that no couple ever wants to find themselves in – and that I had secretly dreaded hearing as our attempts to start a family were continually unsuccessful – we were strangely not devastated, not really even seriously discouraged. Which, Lord knows, is SO not like me at least (those of you who know my husband, know he tends to look on the bright side).
See, I was already a few days late that month, and even after taking another negative pregnancy test four days after the doctor’s visit, it was almost as if, instead of diminishing, my expectations and hope were actually growing. I just knew that God, and God alone, stood to get the glory through the growth of our family now.
We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. ~Romans 8:25 (Msg.)
I was reminded of the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the book of Daniel, when they told the king – who was ready to throw them into a furnace if they refused to bow down and worship him –
If you throw us in the fire, the God we serve can rescue us from your roaring furnace and anything else you might cook up, O king. But even if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference, O king. We still wouldn’t serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up. ~Dan. 3:17-18
“But even if he doesn’t…”
In my head, I KNEW that God was able to deliver, that He was able to give us a baby. I even believed that He WOULD give us a baby.
But even if He didn’t, I did not want to give way to discouragement, despair, fear, depression. And let’s face it, those are all viable options when you’re facing what looks like the death of a dream you’ve had for most of your life. We wanted to trust Him, even in this. We were actually looking forward to seeing how He would move on our behalf for our family and future children.
And besides, I was still late. So there was hope…
…to be continued…